He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
