So drunk its hurt
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I love you. Go after that dick
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
