so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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