she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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