I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
