The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
