the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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