Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize