some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
