Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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