i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
