you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
It was confusing and full of hummus
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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