i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize