I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize