You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
