Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
