tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
