How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
His nipple licking is glorious
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