how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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