I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
