i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
