there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
