Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
