So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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