the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
