Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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