I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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