y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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