we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
