I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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