I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
