My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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