So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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