The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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