I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize