I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
