Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
