U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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