friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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