After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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