My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
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