Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
