what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
