We won't sleep together?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
