I wish my penis had an off switch
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize