Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize