when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
