I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
