I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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