I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
