I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
