What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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