a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
No more Irish car bombs ever.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Randomize
