honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
