i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You need a sexual gate keeper
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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