Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
