Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
