If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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