If i come over, it means nothing
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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