Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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