the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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