foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
