It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize