my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize