oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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