Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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