you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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