ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
