We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
