k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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