Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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