My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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