Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
