12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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