Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
