my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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